August Update

First, I want to say sorry all of you at Holy Grounds because I sent this out a couple of weeks ago and didn’t post it.  I will try to be more faithful at posting my update on the website for those of you who don’t get my email update.  I also wanted to say particularly to you, my sending church, that I thank God for each and every one of you.  Sometimes I think about you all and my heart really longs to be there with you and partake of life with you.  I’ve had a taste of what I consider “church done well.”  Then everything else kind of tastes like bran muffins.  Not terrible but not amazing either.  I’ve been very encouraged by you and want you to know that I miss you deeply but also know that God has blessed me with you so that I could do what I do here and that it would be harder with out you all behind me supporting me.  You have enabled me past what you probably know.

The following is what I sent out in August:

Greetings!

I apologize for not having sent out an update sooner.  When you start getting into the routine of things it’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking you have nothing to share.  I have in recent months wondered what I could write as an update.  I usually look for the heartwarming stories that everyone loves.  Those stories are what you cling to when life is less heartwarming and more struggle.  Unfortunately, the last four months have been less heartwarming and more of a dichotomy of events.  It has been dramatic shifts of opposing stances.  There have been shifts of happiness and times when the weight of ministry hangs heavily.  There have been times of health and prolonged times of sickness.  There have been times of extreme loneliness and times of community.  This up and down has become somewhat of a routine here for these past four months since I’ve last written.

So, since May, what has happened?  After the kids went back to school things seemed to go back to normal.  Things got hard and good in turn.  Mid-June I developed a full body rash that I struggled with intensely for about a month.  I spent a lot of time with doctors and hospital to find out nothing conclusive about what caused the rash.  I didn’t sleep a whole lot that month which caused me to, essentially, lose the plot entirely.  After about a month, I was able to get my sleep back although even to this day I still have itching episodes that are vaguely reminiscent of the rash.  However, the ability to sleep again makes life a lot easier.  My Thai lessons continue to go well.  I really am enjoying the language and finding little victories in Thai.  Every now and again, when I am able to have a conversation with a shop keeper or tell a story in Thai, I am so encouraged.

I believe I’ve always being an idealist.  I look at the world as how I hope it would be rather then what it currently is.  However, my idealist glasses don’t start and stop at how the world is, I look at myself and missions through these glasses as well.  I think ideally, missions would be hard at times but incredibly fulfilling.  I always thought that I’d always have passion and that fulfillment to carry me through the rough patches.  The fact of the matter is that being in missions isn’t always a passionate experience.  Being in missions is a different kind of hard that I haven’t experienced and things get dry and baron here too.  Living in a different context isn’t always as exciting as you would hope.  Those you minister aren’t always excited about you being here.  God has had to teach me how to let him carry me through and not depend on community, passion or emotions to carry me through.

When things get hard it is difficult to know what to say.  I think a year ago when I was preparing to take this trip, I had all these expectations.  When things get hard it’s easy to lose passion and perspective.  When you’ve been gone from home it’s natural to feel disconnected and after feeling disconnected, it’s normal to feel lonely.  The key thing is it’s all by design.  I really feel like God has been stripping me down layer by layer.  In doing so, there have been many low valleys and desert places.  I’ve had to take my expectations to him and lay them down.  I’ve had to mourn and even face the times when tears wouldn’t come.  Through it all though, God has always provided the manna I’ve needed.  He’s given me strength and grace to persevere.  It hasn’t been easy but God is molding me and that is exciting!  He has taught me so many amazing things that although things have been dry He’s never left me thirsty.

These months have been difficult, but, God has given me such a great friends and family to support me.  I just really want to say thank you so much for all of the encouragement that you all have provided in the past months.  Thank you for all of the finances you continue to send.  Thank you for your prayers and how you have really gotten behind and championed me through.  I am constantly blown away by all your support.

I pray you are all blessed!

Joanna